Friday, September 26, 2008
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR DEMANDS EMPLOYMENT
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR DOES NOT REQUIRE YOUR PATHETIC SALARY OF PUNY HUMANS! Nonetheless, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR submits his application for employment.
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR
RULER OF THE ZORINTH GALAXY, EVIL LORD OF THE WREAKTH DEMONS
OBJECTIVE
Seeking managerial position wherein VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR may cause unending pain and suffering, demanding that all bow before VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR or suffer the ultimate penalty for disloyalty.
QUALIFICATIONS
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has crushed countless planets during his reign, the length of which cannot be measured by your pathetic calendar, pitiful humans! VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR possesses infinite energy, and as such, inspires loyalty and productivity from all trillions of life-beings and employees throughout the universe who tremble in fear before the might of VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR. All who cross VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR will wish they had never been born.
WORK HISTORY
Beginning of time - Present, Evil Lord of the Wreakth Demons, Iniquitous Realm of Narcylus
Providing unending torture for damned souls captured by wicked Demon-lord Narscylus; hosting teleconferences among the Serpent's Circle of Demon Lords.
Sywmtih KDO2803 - Horivthiastclis LK09282, Ruler of Zorinth Galaxy
After a war which lasted 1 billion of your puny Earth-years, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR seized control of the Zorinth Galaxy from Ushyphus the Terrible, who brought suboptimal levels of misery upon the life-beings of the Zorinth Galaxy, but VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR will teach the entire universe what it really means to suffer!
2004 - 2005, Regional Manager, McDonalds (West Lafayette, Indiana)
In order to pay for college, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR briefly disguised Himself as a weak and feeble human, directing regional sales and marketing teams for the West Lafayette, Indiana area franchises. After a month of employment, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR discovered an abundance of precious glixnars which had been hidden from VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR by inhabitants of the Ymnffia system. All life-beings were crushed, and VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR terminated employment.
EDUCATION
Beginning of Time - Beginning of Time + epsilon, Infinite Wisdom, Realm of Narscylus
Qghlykrops WHN9839 - WHN984B, Lb.C. (Life-Being Crusher), Gorgoth Weapons University
Pintilkadrups FTW2839 - FTW2897, E.E. (Ender of Existence) in Weapons Engineering, Gorgoth Weapons University
2000 - 2004, Bachelors of Arts in Undergraduate Studies, Purdue University
LANGUAGES
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR KNOWS ALL.
PATENTS AND PUBLICATIONS
DESTRUCTOR, VOLTOV T., Examining Possible Endings to All Universal Life, A Bayesian Approach, J. of Life Crushing Theory, v.192, Twizxth LKK208, pp. 208-220.
AWARDS RECEIVED
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR NEEDS NO AWARDS
INTERESTS AND ACTIVITIES
Convincing feeble planets to concede power to VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR in order to save their lives, then ending their meaningless existence. VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has no need for anyone and makes no deals. Fools!
HOBBIES
On weekends or while on holiday, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR enjoys the simple pleasures of Supreme Demon Lord life: devouring planets and slowly and painfully draining life-energy from various solar systems.
VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has volunteered an uncountably infinite number of your puny Earth-hours in galactic destruction.
COMPUTER SKILLS
Can type 80 words-per-minute.
LICENSES AND CERTIFICATES
Professional Weapons Engineer, Certified Hhrash ASB8003
REFERENCES
Mephisto, Ruler of Hades, (no phone number -- for contact merely think and Mephisto will contact you)
George McCarthy, McDonald's Custodial Engineer, (765) 743-7518
DO NOT CALL AND WASTE THE TIME OF VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR. VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR HAS NO TIME FOR FEEBLE HUMANS UNLESS IT IS THE MINISCULE TIME REQUIRED TO TERMINATE YOUR MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE!!
[Editor's note: VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR appreciates the time you have taken to review his resume. For this, your death shall be most swift.]
RULER OF THE ZORINTH GALAXY, EVIL LORD OF THE WREAKTH DEMONS
OBJECTIVE
Seeking managerial position wherein VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR may cause unending pain and suffering, demanding that all bow before VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR or suffer the ultimate penalty for disloyalty.
QUALIFICATIONS
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has crushed countless planets during his reign, the length of which cannot be measured by your pathetic calendar, pitiful humans! VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR possesses infinite energy, and as such, inspires loyalty and productivity from all trillions of life-beings and employees throughout the universe who tremble in fear before the might of VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR. All who cross VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR will wish they had never been born.
WORK HISTORY
Beginning of time - Present, Evil Lord of the Wreakth Demons, Iniquitous Realm of Narcylus
Providing unending torture for damned souls captured by wicked Demon-lord Narscylus; hosting teleconferences among the Serpent's Circle of Demon Lords.
Sywmtih KDO2803 - Horivthiastclis LK09282, Ruler of Zorinth Galaxy
After a war which lasted 1 billion of your puny Earth-years, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR seized control of the Zorinth Galaxy from Ushyphus the Terrible, who brought suboptimal levels of misery upon the life-beings of the Zorinth Galaxy, but VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR will teach the entire universe what it really means to suffer!
2004 - 2005, Regional Manager, McDonalds (West Lafayette, Indiana)
In order to pay for college, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR briefly disguised Himself as a weak and feeble human, directing regional sales and marketing teams for the West Lafayette, Indiana area franchises. After a month of employment, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR discovered an abundance of precious glixnars which had been hidden from VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR by inhabitants of the Ymnffia system. All life-beings were crushed, and VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR terminated employment.
EDUCATION
Beginning of Time - Beginning of Time + epsilon, Infinite Wisdom, Realm of Narscylus
Qghlykrops WHN9839 - WHN984B, Lb.C. (Life-Being Crusher), Gorgoth Weapons University
Pintilkadrups FTW2839 - FTW2897, E.E. (Ender of Existence) in Weapons Engineering, Gorgoth Weapons University
2000 - 2004, Bachelors of Arts in Undergraduate Studies, Purdue University
LANGUAGES
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR KNOWS ALL.
PATENTS AND PUBLICATIONS
DESTRUCTOR, VOLTOV T., Examining Possible Endings to All Universal Life, A Bayesian Approach, J. of Life Crushing Theory, v.192, Twizxth LKK208, pp. 208-220.
AWARDS RECEIVED
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR NEEDS NO AWARDS
INTERESTS AND ACTIVITIES
Convincing feeble planets to concede power to VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR in order to save their lives, then ending their meaningless existence. VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has no need for anyone and makes no deals. Fools!
HOBBIES
On weekends or while on holiday, VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR enjoys the simple pleasures of Supreme Demon Lord life: devouring planets and slowly and painfully draining life-energy from various solar systems.
VOLUNTEER EXPERIENCE
VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR has volunteered an uncountably infinite number of your puny Earth-hours in galactic destruction.
COMPUTER SKILLS
Can type 80 words-per-minute.
LICENSES AND CERTIFICATES
Professional Weapons Engineer, Certified Hhrash ASB8003
REFERENCES
Mephisto, Ruler of Hades, (no phone number -- for contact merely think and Mephisto will contact you)
George McCarthy, McDonald's Custodial Engineer, (765) 743-7518
DO NOT CALL AND WASTE THE TIME OF VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR. VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR HAS NO TIME FOR FEEBLE HUMANS UNLESS IT IS THE MINISCULE TIME REQUIRED TO TERMINATE YOUR MEANINGLESS EXISTENCE!!
[Editor's note: VOLTOV THE DESTRUCTOR appreciates the time you have taken to review his resume. For this, your death shall be most swift.]
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